The way you talk to yourself has a profound impact on your wellbeing, happiness, relationships with others and resilience.

It’s a key element of how we treat ourselves.

When we change the way we talk to ourselves we can influence all of these things.

Self-talk is a way of looking at things and talking to yourself about them. Studies have shown that this can be changed.

This can help people in negative situations but also help high achievers move to the next level.

We have a negativity bias, that’s why it’s so important to change these thoughts…

We need to practice changes these thoughts, think of it as training for your brain.

1/. I can’t do this… ✋🏻

Tell yourself this and guess what…it becomes more likely that you won’t do this. Try this…

A/. If you’re taking on a new task

Add just one word YET – “I can’t do this, yet”

B/. You can do it but you’re blocked by anxiety or confidence. Try this..

Say to yourself, “I wonder why I’m not doing this?”

This invokes curiosity and is a much kinder way of talking to yourself.

You’ll probably discover you can do this.

2/. I should do that 💪🏻

Know that you do not have to do anything that doesn’t feel right for you.

You have permission to follow your own goals and values to move to what matters to you. Try this…

Change one word, from should you COULD.

“I could do that”

If gives you an option, less pressure, much kinder.

3/. That person is better than me 😇

I’m behind, I’m not going to make, everyone else has it figured out.

The truth…

No-one has this figured out. You’re always changing the world is always changing, there is no finish. It’s not a game with an end goal.

Next time you think this, say

“I can’t see their insides, but I know that every person has their own challenges”

Other peoples achievements are a sign that THIS IS POSSIBLE, so you can achieve it too, celebrate that.

4/. I’m not good enough 😔

This is cruel, it needs to go, you do not need them. They are not helping you achieve your goals.

You are enough, you’re a human being trying your best.

Let it go…

Let yourself be a human being, it’s OK to go through struggle and feel you didn’t do your best. It doesn’t mean you’re not good enough.

Try this…

Distance self talk. Speak to yourself in the third person. For instance –

“Stephen, you feel that didn’t go well, what is the evidence for that? You didn’t get any negative feedback, I thought you stayed calm and communicated well”

Challenge yourself. You’re initial automatic thoughts are not accurate. Be your own best friend.